Game Over

Sometimes I wonder if my memories are not their own. Did things really happen the way I remember them? My great grandmother had dementia towards the end of her life and it makes me wonder if I’ll ever develop the same thing. I am in a physical form, thinking, predisposed to habits, and aware of things around myself (more or less). I am currently aware of myself and who I am and I am basing my assumption upon memories. The concept of present time doesn’t seem absolute. As every moment passes, my body responds to the flow and shortly thereafter an action is made. This is a constant thing, and for me to analyze a moment in time can become difficult if I don’t focus on a particular moment. I can decide a moment or action to take place but until it actually happens there is no telling how the body will respond. 

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This reminds me that I often look back on journal entries or posts to check in on myself and how I’m doing. It sounds weird when I put it that way. I often find myself writing something in the moment and it gives me better perspective on what is really on my mind. There’s the daily tasks like waking up, taking a shower, going to work, and so on that are mundane. My thought is that if I just write openly about what I’m thinking about, I can give myself the advice I couldn’t otherwise do while in the moment. I would say at first glance that it’s a form of keeping myself in check. More than that, I can literally take a step back and look at myself through my writing. I’m curious now as to what I was writing about and how it relates to my current life situations… Well, I will check back on that later.

My favorite 007 movie of all time has to be “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”. Despite Connery being my favorite Bond, Lazenby brought a certain charm to the role. Compared to other Bond movies, OHMSS sticks closer to the novel than any other. It’s really the only Bond movie that ever had a heartfelt relationship in it. Bond saves her at the very beginning of the film as she is about to commit suicide over the loss of her child. This particular Bond role humanized the character for me and it was easier to relate to him. This made me all the more emotionally invested during the final sequence. There aren’t many films that can get me emotionally stirred up as this one. In fact, I looked it up on youtube shortly before writing this entry and watching the last bit made me cry. The bad guys get away, the main love interest is killed, and the hero is screwed over. Bond’s final quote from the film is as follows:

“It’s all right. It’s quite all right, really. She’s having a rest. We’ll be going on soon. There’s no hurry, you see. We have all the time in the world.”

To fill in the rest, the last lines of the novel reads: “The young patrolman took a last scared look at the motionless couple, hurried over to his motor cycle, picked up the hand-microphone, and began talking urgently to the rescue headquarters”. 

That’s how it ends! Tragedy! Unfortunately due to real-world timeline issues Lazenby wasn’t casted as Bond for “You Only Live Twice” and several major plot elements were altered for the film releases. YOLT was shot before OHMSS with Connery. In my mind, this leaves Bond’s character unable to ever seek revenge on his wife’s murderers and even deepens my emotional involvement with Lazenby’s role in this film. What makes it even more unsettling is that in future films (The Spy Who Loved Me, For Your Eyes Only, License to Kill, The World is Not Enough) it is referenced that Bond was once married or his wife died and the character draws emotion from Bond’s sensitivity to the matter. I can get that they want to keep in line with the character’s background BUT it makes it weird for me because each Bond actor has been molded into their own time and place. Well, maybe i’ll save that rant for a different entry.

I was working on submitting a resume today and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Went back to the job application and then I heard a kid crying outside. I looked out the window from the dining room but I didn’t see anything. Looked back at my laptop and then I saw something move again so I looked over at the window again. A little boy carrying a long plank of red wood splintered at one end was walking off to the left away from the beach, dragging the plank on the ground behind him. I thought I’d go out and help him, but by the time I got outside and looked down the street, the little boy was gone. Am I going crazy?